April 2012

Saturation, Plans, Perspective & Lainey!

Although crying less tears and more able to function, I can tell that I am still not okay because I feel like a saturated sponge. Do you know what happens when you try to add more water to an already saturated sponge? Or put more water in an already full cup? It is a giant mess.

Welcome to Now What? Holden S. Update!

Moving forward is not the same as moving past -- I think of it as "moving with". And so we move forward *with* all that has happened and all that has been learned, impacted, and changed. It is like you went down in one spot -- and popped up in a new one -- more than a bit disconcerting. But here I am -- so now what?

It is appropriate that Easter is just two weeks after Cadi's death. I have always loved Easter, and as I have gotten older I have learned to appreciate it for more than just See's Rocky Road eggs.

Sydney's Diary Entry (Hint to Now What?); Mesa! Pictures!

Dear Diary: I used to be jealous of all the time the human spent grooming Zoey -- it looked so fun and the treats were so yummy. Now it is me who she is trying to turn into a mushroom farm. Note to Self: Be careful what you wish for. From Sydney.

Party Crasher & Auggie Update

I really do not like the idea of "getting over" a big loss -- that seems to suggest we leave it behind. It is like we were presented with a big mountain, we climbed it, and now it is done -- and grief doesn't work like that.

More on Grace & Overheard Conversations with the Universe

The extension of Grace does not require that we pretend or ignore reality. Rather, it means -- to me -- that we say, "here is the unforgivable offense -- for which I forgive you". We must not do this in a way that crushes another person -- then it is revenge and not Grace -- but rather with an open heart and an open mind, understanding that we are all human and that our intentions are good -- even when the outcome is not.

Grace & You-Know-What Wednesday

The extension of grace, in my view, is when we give merciful forgiveness even when we have been wronged. Grace is the opposite of revenge, which involves trying to hurt another as we have been hurt. But grace is not the same thing as ignoring a perceived wrong -- grace and accountability can -- and I think should -- co-exist.

Lainey Update & Pictures

Sweet Lainey...

Marching Orders, Pictures Added, Boy Plumpie Updates

It is unfortunately true that Montana roads are covered in the blood of animals -- especially deer. Not the best critical thinkers, deer have an unfortunate tendency to dart into the road without considering the possible impact (literally and figuratively) of that particular choice.

A Break of Sorts

Thank you for your comments and emails in answer to my question (see previous post) -- we have a thoughtful community and I am grateful for that. We will give more opportunity for reflection about the question, but I want to give you what I got this weekend -- a bit of a break...

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