And the Puppies Played On.

Last night I had a dream that Zoey ate some pizza crust. I tried first thing this morning -- unfortunately, it was just a dream. Such is the current workings of my unconscious mind -- and Zoey's appetite (or lack thereof).

Yesterday went like this...

As I was getting ready to leave for the vet appointment, I realized Zoey was going blind again; this happened in September when her platelets dropped.

Race to the vet.

Bloodwork.

Uh Oh Platelets.

Across Montana and into surrounding states:

"Hello, do you have platelets for a dog?"

"Hello, do you have platelets for a dog?"

"Hello, do you have platelets for a dog?"

...

No platelets.

Six hours later, platelets were down more but Zoey could apparently see at least somewhat. 

That Balancing Act got trickier. Physical. Social. Emotional. Cognitive. Spiritual (which, by the way, involves how we make meaning). How can these pieces all fit into one puzzle called, Quality of Life?!

Someone informed and important texted me: "...if there is something I know about you is you always make the decision best for your dogs. Trust your instincts."

Someone kind and caring delivered Starbucks.

Many other wonderful someones texted concern and love and offers to help.

It takes a team.

And so Zoey and I went home with the support of her veterinarian and clear directions of how to handle various possibilities (and our treating veterinarian on-call overnight -- talk about a security blanket!).

When Zoey woke up this morning, the world was out of focus once again.

But she was standing up, wondering who turned out the lights -- that is improvement (the standing up part).

And now she is comfortably on one of the beds while I work/write/do morning stuff...

...her family around her...

We will go back to the vet later for a check on those platelets; if too low, she could have a blood transfusion but since she had one on Wednesday, there is some risk involved. However, transfusion reaction is not the closest crocodile to the canoe at the moment.

Right now we are on a bridge and there are a lot of crocodiles in that water. The hope is that it is a bridge to a Bounce, and that would mean the Lymphoma (if it is a recurrence of Lymphoma, which is still unknown) gets pushed back into remission. The other possibility is that the bridge goes to a cliff.

The challenge is that we expect both bridges to look similar right now. If a bridge to a Bounce, Zoey *should* feel crappy because she had chemo on Thursday. But if the bridge is heading for a cliff -- and the chemo is *not* working -- Zoey should also feel crappy. So "feels crappy" could be good or bad, which is pretty crappy.

And so we step cautiously across the bridge, not knowing whether the end is a giant Bounce House filled with beaded do-nuts and balls with feet...

...or a cliff.

And the bridge has some holes in it and it doesn't feel very stable. Terrifying. And while the crocodiles swim and the bridge shakes, the puppies play on...

Life. In which everything is always a chaotic mix of unicorns and crocodiles, rainbows and hurricanes. 

UPDATE post-vet appointment

Cautious optimism -- it appears we are gently bouncing!

6 comments

by Linda T. on Sun, 10/22/2017 - 07:30

...the truth in your words, floors me...thank you

by Jill on Sun, 10/22/2017 - 08:01

I've been out of the loop - and didn't know. I'm sorry. And, I'm hoping for a bounce.
Sending hugs & love.

by Joanna Vatsis on Sun, 10/22/2017 - 08:17

Blessings on yours and Zoey’s heads!

by Frankie G on Sun, 10/22/2017 - 10:20

Sending thoughts, prayers, and soldiers! Since it’s all about the liver, you would do no harm by adding B-complex vitamins (B-50 or B-100, excess flushes via ruination) and denamarin or milk thistle (liver protection). Bouncing for Zoey!

by CA Heidi on Sun, 10/22/2017 - 14:55

I wish we had magic to fix things. But we do have love and prayers, and we are sending it all your way.

~H

by Debbie on Sun, 10/22/2017 - 15:31

Thinking of you and Zoey. Hoping for a bounce. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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