Warning Label, OOPS, Auggie

As I walked out of the show motel on Sunday I heard a dog yelp -- oh, just another one of our four-legged friend being hurt in the name of training.

Here is another tidbit about grief -- it makes you blunt. When something REALLY bad has happened, you know that someone being mad at you is just not a big deal and you also have zero tolerance for foolishness of any kind.

And so I said to the person training abusing her dog: "ya, that isn't going work, sister". And the berner person at the show who told me that OCD (shoulder type not hoarding type) was not inherited -- well, I didn't let that go either. Like I said, grief makes you realize that having people annoyed with you is like a .00025 on the scale of Life Events.

That said, grief is not an excuse to be mean to people! In fact, nothing is an excuse to be mean -- we should strive always to be nice. But I do not think it is nice to be fake - to pretend. Rather, I think it is nice to respect someone enough to be honest and genuine - and more importantly -- to respect yourself enough to be honest and genuine.

Therefore, the Specialty could be interesting. I decided that I might need a warning label of some sorts -- some way to let people know I exist in a No Bullshit Zone at the moment (more so than normal). Or like a label indicating that I was fragile and to be careful...

I thought and thought about it, and decided that yes -- I did want a way to convey that I am an active griever and be careful -- but that really what I wanted was Cadi to be there. Do you know that I had already filled out her Specialty entries?

And so I created something that I hope will do all the things I wanted -- and I had this made so I can wear it on my lanyard that we use for name tags at the Specialty:

Terri Z. let me use her design and I added the words that reflect my sentiment -- and Lisa K. had turned me on to Zazzle so I used them to make the buttons. And I have one for Lori and a couple others that I know -- and extras for those who need one. So if you will be at the Specialty and want one -- just let me know.

I would rather Cadi be there with me, and her absence will be deeply felt, of course. But that is okay because she deserves to matter -- and we can/will still have fun and enjoy our friends/family in the shadows of our losses. My button will just be my way of acknowledging that someone very special had to come this year as a memory -- and how very sad is that?

Beloved Cadi. More tears. And it is okay that I still cry for her every single day -- the truth is: I love her and I miss her, and it is normal to cry when your heart is broken.

It gets easier -- it already is -- but that doesn't mean it is easy. Or all better. And it will never be okay that she is gone -- ever. But I know I will be okay. However, you might not be if you are a cheater or a mean person and think I will pretend otherwise -- just saying.

Something else about grief -- your brain is saturated -- Holy Overfill!! I missed the D Litter's sixth birthday -- sorry! Happy Birthday to Maize's second litter: Brighton, Joy, Fiona, Marnie, Gracie, Milo and Elliott! Here is a picture of Brighton - she has a perfect life in Iowa with Carol and Sharon:

Auggie Update!

Lois sends us an update on Auggie and their Big Adventure! She shares, "We are on the road!  Auggie is being a great traveler and a great guest.  He settled in the car and proceeded to go to sleep which he did for the entire trip except for the rest stop breaks for short walks, water and pee breaks!

He's not sure the 'road' part is his favorite as you can see from the picture below.  But he loves the 'visiting' part and has been an excellent well-mannered house guest.  You know friends are special when they tell you "sure, bring your almost sixty pound 6 month old puppy with you!"  Our friend is a superior court judge and Auggie went to court today to visit and met everyone - boy was he a hit!

We continue our trip tomorrow so another long road day for Auggie tomorrow.   The best news is we will stop in Salinas on Sunday to visit Auggie's sisters, Heidi and Lainey, along with the Heintzeberger humans.  We are looking forward to it and pics of the siblings will follow next week."

Thank you, Lois -- and safe travels! I am super excited to see the sibling pictures!!! And Cousin Julie and Cousin Carmen -- I think you all might want to get yourself invited to that little party :)

Please -- have a superb Friday!!!!!

10 comments

by Lisa K on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 06:53

Waaaaaa, I wish I could be there too!! Have a blast!!
Hugs to you M-A!

by TobyE on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 07:33

Lisa, we can Skype :) or Face time! Auggie, OMG what a handsome boy! I love the photo with his head out the window, I could almost picture him sitting there, forearm on the window edge, working on his tan, and cruising down the highway! M-A, your button, which is beautiful by the way, reminds me of the black "ribbons" that Jews wear when they've lost a family member. Siblings, children, parents and spouses wear them for 30 days. They have a tear in them, which the rabbi does at the service, which signifies your broken heart.....while most people don't know the meaning, it does project "handle with care."

by Lisa K on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 08:43

Luv this Toby! While not a practicing Jew, I had forgotten about this part of the service! And yes, it is a West coast party, but there is soon to be an East coast one and I am sad to missing both of them!!!!

by TobyE on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 07:34

Lisa, I just realized the plumpie party is the one on the WEST coast!

by Toby E on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 19:36

Lisa-I'm far from practicing too....when my dad died 19 years ago, my mother wanted us to wear them, so we did, and that's how I learned about them. A kinda funny story there....it was 1992 and people had just started wearing the red AIDS ribbons. I went to a local veterinary luncheon, about 3 weeks later, and one of my classmates was sitting at the table with me, looked at my ribbon and said "oh cool-what's your cause?!". Took me a few years to be able to laugh about that, but it is kinda pitifully funny!

by Barb on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 20:11

Oooh Gee Mary-Ann I'm going to try to keep you out of trouble until you're PC again...Wish me luck folks. That or I'm gonna be her back-up in some fights.
I can't imagine Mary-Ann unleashed. Maybe I should sell tickets?
Holden you are my Favorite!! So cute. And you look just like my other favorites...Very consistent litter. Except for the ones that look like naughty Zaida..

by Lynn on Sat, 04/28/2012 - 10:44

I am not a member of the club (yet... but with four Berners, that day is inevitable). Is there a way to purchase them... I'd like to hang it on my bulletin board as a memorial to beautiful Cadi and a reminder to cherish every day.

by Karen Connors on Sun, 04/29/2012 - 11:01

Hi Marianne,
I just want you to know how much I appreciated your words of wisdom about grief. They went straight to my heart
with personal recognition as I'm sure it did for so many of us. Even though I have't had a loss in1 1/2 years, what you said hit home and brought tears to my eyes. I lost Amika, my 8 1/2 year old berner girl, just one month before the Specialty in Portland, Oregon. It was hard to even conceive that I could possibly go, but, I had both Angel and Amika entered in Veteran's Sweeps. It would be the very first time for Angel to be in a show ring at 10 1/2 years old, I just couldn't not miss that. And, little did I know at the time, I would loose her too, later that same year. I'm terribly sad and sorry for the loss of your dear, precious Cadi. :'o(
Thank you so much for sharing and coming up with the unique 'Warning Label Button', it's brilliant! I'd love to have one and would also love to donate to help with your cost.
See you soon,
Love and hugs,
Karen and Silly Simone

by CA Heidi :-) on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 21:49

M-A,

i love your button. It's very lovely, and is a perfect reflection of loving and missing and remembering, all at once.

I can't believe that it was just last year we met in person in Southern California. So much has happened since then. So much has changed. I very much wish that we would be there in person to see you and all the dogs (I would so love to make Miss Harper B's acquaintance!) but we will just have to settle on being there in spirit this year.

I hope your trip is wonderful, and that your and your entourage travel well and safely.

~H

by Robin on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 09:00

so sorry about your loss, hope I get to see ya at the National and that you will be bringing a button for me to wear in honor of my Lightning

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